The thing I’ve come to realise about life is that it’s all in your head.
Who or what do you have to blame for this conclusion? I’m accepting, at most, a quarter of the blame – and the majority goes to Amber for pouring ice cold water over my perfectly warm reality. How did she do this, you may ask? Well, the witch (because swearing is bad, for fuck sakes. I have delicate sensibilities; I’m a fragile flower.) told me that my year had been bad. My pretty fantastic year – it had been bad!
Of course, the devil then went on to correct herself by saying it had actually been incredibly eventful and just that many of these events were just horrific. So, while we went down memory lane, I realised that some things that happened this year have been pretty fucking awful.
And I’m not even talking about the fact my mother went all crazy cat lady and bought two definitely not adorable, cuddly, and perfect kittens that I hate with every fibre of my existence.
But the really bad things that have happened this year . . . don’t seem that bad to me? I mean, they do from a logical point of view, but I don’t really care. Like, when everything was happening I was always at a very “well, shit, that sucks – but, in other news, puppies die.” And when faced with the harsh reality of puppies dying, anything human related just doesn’t bother me.
I also think that, compared to other people, I’m not really in my life, I suppose? Like, obviously I am, but I very much see everything I’m doing as a means to an end at the moment. Something happened at high school? My mentality was always along the lines of: okay, but I’m gone in a few months and I give no fucks about anyone here anyway. Like, my immediate life is not my life-
let me just stop you there. Can we get some logic back, now? You can’t just interrupt me in the middle of– Get. On. With. It.
Okay, it’s not that my life now isn’t my life or that I’m just waiting for a certain point before I’m like “now, this is life!”, I just have a weird perspective on it. It’s what was occupying my life, not my life. A high school drama was just a stupid thing I had to deal with at school – but school stays at school; it’s nothing more than a building. I mean, this is just an example, but I think you ultimately choose what you let affect you; and your mindset and mentality shapes how you see life.
When I was in high school (ew.) my mindset was really dismissive and dissociated – I didn’t care, so I don’t look back on it with any kind of emotion. I don’t look back on it as hard, or traumatic – the same way I don’t look back on it with love or any kind of positivity. But that was literally when I was in high school; as soon as I left the building, I had literally left and I was just me.
So during the times people look back on with all their gasps of shock and horror, I was still enjoying my life, and meeting my personal goals, and that’s what I cared about, so that’s the feeling that time held for me. Which leads me to think that life is just in your head – because people can look at your life and think one thing, and you can think another completely.
Which is pretty great again, because people are stupid.
I would say “you’re probably wondering what the point of this post even is anymore”, but you’re all smarter than that and you’ve learnt what I’m like by now. Story-time first, explanation second, post topic content last. I like to share the creative process. Yay.
Anyway, I was just thinking about the differences in my friends and I, from things like what we like to do in our spare time, to what things are meaningful to us. And what I like is immersing myself in things and really feeling them – so when it comes to Winter, I love to surrounded in soft cosy clothing, snow white and sparkling winteryness. It makes me so happy that I don’t even care that winteryness isn’t a word.
I don’t care if everyone else wants to look the same as they do in summer, with extra layers on top. Or if it doesn’t snow. I don’t even care if nobody else wants to do seasonal things like baking mug cakes, or drinking luxurious hot chocolate – if I feel like I’m in a Christmas movie, then I’m in a fucking Christmas movie.
So, without further ado, here is My Winter Wonderland Wishlist.
Faux Pearl Hand Chain – £5
Multi Colour Fur Coat – £65
Lace Up Heels – £40
Lace Strappy Longline Bra – £10.50
Faux Pearl Ring Set – £4.50
Grid Knitted Cardigan – £15
Rimmel Wake Me Up Radiance BB Cream – £6.99
Wrap Around Gladiator Sandals – £35
Teal Wrap Around Bralet – £15
Neapolitan Furry Scarf – £24.99
Champagne Satin Bralet – £8
NARS Limited Edition Eyeshadow Palette – £45
High Neck Velvet Top – £15
NARS Contouring Blush – £23
River Island Silk Pyjama Set – £30
Cross Strap Blue Harness Bralet – £18
Over The Knee Nude Heels – £50
Limited Edition Smoked Out – Gel Kohl Pencil Eye Liner – £15
So that’s it, guys! Is anyone else crushing on anything this winter?